Persuasive Writing we should we should fix our field!

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing. Here is my piece of writing about why we should fix our filed.

Title A Short Statement about the topic. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Our Field Needs Finished and Fixed!
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	Dear Mrs Truman and the Board of Trustees, I strongly believe that we should get our feld fixed NOW! I would feel disappointed if we didn’t have a field at Karoro School.  We can't do big events like the Gala because we only have a small amount of space. We can’t train for specific sports. We have to pay to go to places to train and have a game on a field. Also we are whati (running) on concrete and it is bad for some people's feet. We need the field fixed Now!
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	Firstly, I think we need to fix the field because constantly we are running on concrete and its hurting my hīkaikai(feet)! When we run on concrete it is bad for some peoples feet, especially me! For example I was training for cross country and my feet starting killing me I had to stop. I feel mad when I run on concrete and the thought of never getting a field, disturbs me.
	Secondly, the school has bought lots of sports equipment and it not getting used because we have no field! We have lots of equipment that is just nohotŪ (sitting) still in the P.E Shead. I’m not the one that brought all this equipment so if we don’t have a field that is like money down the drain! I respected the P.E equipment but why do we have P.E equipment that were not going to be using??
	Thirdly, all the children in the school only have a small amount of playing place. This is dangerous because people can collide and fall on the hard concrete. This makes me feel sad because people can get uruha(hurt) and we can’t play as many game because we don’t have a field! It would be disappointing if you wanted children to get hurt.
	Finally, we need to train and keep fit for events. As children growing up we need to sleep , be healthy also many more. But being hauora(health) we need to be fit. As a student at Karoro School I want to try and represent our school for all things, I want to be fit and happy to be at sports games and other events. To train we need to have space that won't be so squashed. We need a FIElD!
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	IN conclusion we need to fix and finish our field! WE need our field because the concrete is hurting my feet, The equipment was so expensive and we don’t want that to go to waste, the kids at Karoro School are crowded. Also to represent Karoro School in learning and sport we need to keep fit and healthy. WE are certainly disappointed if we don’t have a field. We need a field for lots of reasons but it is hard not having a field at school!