Robot Rampage

We have been learning how to write our own narrative writing. We had a sentence starter to help us write.

Narrative Writing Term 3 2017

Click on the link below to watch the story starter for this week.

http://success-for-boys.tki.org.nz/Teaching-learning-resources/Story-Starters/Runaway-Robot-Rampage

Story Starter = Runaway Robot Rampage

Your Name:Billie

Story starter: Every weekend there was one job Mākoko hated doing: mowing the lawns. He’d much rather be building his latest robot invention in the shed. That was it! What if Mākoko could build a robot to mow the lawns?

WALT: write a narrative that entertains or tells a story about people,places or events.
S.C:
Our Story will...
-have a title that captures our reader's interest
-Have an orientation/beginning that has a hook and establishes the setting and characters.
-Have a complication/problem that needs to be solved
-Have a conclusion where the problem is solved.
-Use interesting language, words, adjectives, language features such as similes, onomatopoeia
-plan our story so we know what to write about
-proof-read and edit
-make sure our sentences make sense
-use a range of punctuation
-Use some Te Reo Māori words

My 2 key goal: Punctuation and ending of words .Planning

Title:	Lazy Bones
Orientation/Beginning/Hook Characters	Every year there was one job Mākoko hated doing: doing  the spring cleaning. He’d much rather be building his latest robot invention in the shed. That was it! What if Mākoko could build a robot to  whakarau the house? Characters: - Mākoko-clever boy who created the  robot -Wai Nekeneke -robot- town people
Complication/Problem	His robot goes really good and does the house spring cleaning and then he goes  and cleans every house in town. One day the robot has a upgrade and starts getting really lazy
Conclusion - How does the problem get solved?	Then when Was Keneke is sleeping his owner comes and shuts the robot down and makes the robot turn good again and then goes and cleans every body's house.and Mākoko gets rich from his amazing robot.
Language Simile (He was as tall as a giraffe/ She was like a wild, angry gorilla that had been released from its cage!) Onomatopoeia(sound words) Interesting Adjectives (describing words) Te Reo Māori.	The town people were yapping in disagreement of Wainekenek. THe town people were angry as a shark ripping up it pray.

My Story 

Lazy Bones

Every year there was one job Mākoko hated doing: doing  the spring cleaning. He’d much rather be building his latest robot invention in the shed. That was it! What if Mākoko could build a robot to  whakarauiri( clean)the house?  

Mākoko was very intelligent and smart so he thought making a robot would be easy. Mākoko stayed up all night creating this new robot spring cleaner. It was going to be a long night! Suddenly, the sun shot up from the east side of the land and shone brighter than a lamp in your eyes. Mākoko knew it was going to be a good day.”Before I turn you on, I have to give you a name,’’ exclaimed Mākoko.” “I’m going to call you Wai Nekeneke.” Wai Nekeneke rattled and shook as Mākoko gently turned the on button on!

Wai Nekeneke had 4 arms, two on each side. On one side there was a sponge and a rag, also on the other side there was a duster and a spray bottle. Wai Nekeneke’s legs were his Mum’s work vaccum cleaners. Wai Nekeneke was mainly gray and black. He had a digital face.

That day while Wai nekeneke was cleaning, Mākoko caught up on his sleep. While he was sleeping his Robot suddenly walked off to the village/iwi whenua houses and started to  whakarauiri( clean). “Yay!’’ “Wahoo!” screamed the village people. “ Is my robot being a pain?” said Mākoko. “No”, said the village people in excitement. My house is as shiny as glass freshly cut, beamed one person. ”Can I please borrow your robot for a night to  whakarauiri( clean) my house” shouted another town person. “Yes, sure’’ “said Mākoko in excitement.” Soon Mākoko became rich and happy because every one wanted Wai Nekeneke to whakarauiri their houses.

One day Mākoko got a call from a customer telling him that his robot had gone lazy and when you tried to grab it, it would  walk away.”Don't worry,” Mākoko said quickly. Mākoko ran over to the customer’s house and grabbed Wai Nekeneke. “What do you think you are doing,” screamed Mākoko! The Robot replied: “I would answer but I can't be bothered to. “As fast as Mākoko could he operated on this lazy robot with Anger. As he ripped the parts open then he realised that someone had turned on the lazy button. It was going to be a long night .

The next morning Wai Nekeneke was good as new. Mākoko had done a great job. Mākoko turned lazy himself, and didn’t have to do any more cleaning. “Mākoko,” yelled his Mum, “do the dishes.” Ouph! Time to make another robot exclaimed Mākoko. No, yelled his mum, do the dishes and don’t be lazy. “But Mākoko means lazy,” snorted Mākoko…….

How did you go?

What do you think you did well?  I think I did better my speech and Punctuation.

What could you work on next time?More exciting words.

Teacher Feedback:

Kia ora Billie

I really enjoyed your story about Mākoko and Wai Nekeneke. I think you did do a good job at your punctuation and using lots of speech correctly. I also enjoyed the Te Reo Māori you used and I thought you used some great language to entertain your reader like, “Suddenly, the sun shot up from the east side of the land and shone brighter than a lamp in your eyes.”

I also liked how you described your characters.

You are doing some great writing work this year.  Keep developing your punctuation skills and your use of interesting language and your writing will just get better and better.

Ka pai tō mahi tuhituhi.